would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
