you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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