I just made out with a guy for $7.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
