i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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