i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize