It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
