Do you still have your period?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
