Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize