When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
