Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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