Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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