we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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