i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
