Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
