i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
