i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
being pregnant is like rehab
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
