Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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