I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
