Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
