No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
