i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
