I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize