Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's always time for handjobs
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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