At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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