i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
