He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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