i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
