my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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