i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i will never coherently bang her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
