uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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