Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
