ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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