just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
