Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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