There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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