Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
