At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize