There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
