Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
