Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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