was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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