I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I faked an abortion last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
