She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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