I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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