just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
