the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
