Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Terrible idea I love it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
