O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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