yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
