I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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