he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
