They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
