That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
