the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
