I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
