the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
