My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
