Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
