Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk is not a location!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
