I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
