We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
