if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
