he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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