Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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