We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
